Naruto: Crack Drabbles
by YenGirl
Summary: Little things that stayed in our minds while watching the anime. Parody and bizarre tongue in cheek humour. Multiple characters.
1. Zabuza & Haku

**Author Notes:** Hello everyone! Welcome to my first attempt at writing drabbles. It's a collaboration with my daughter who is responsible for getting me interested in Naruto in the first place. As Naruto is an established fandom with a huge number of fanfiction, I apologise in advance if our ideas have already been written to the death. Hope you enjoy them anyway :)

 **General Warnings:** Parody, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

 **Chapter Warnings:** This chapter will make more sense if you're familiar with Naruto Episodes 6 - 19 (the Land of the Waves arc).

 **Rating:** 'T'

 **Characters:** Zabuza Momochi  & Haku

 **Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

\- Chapter Start -

"Haku! Where are you?"

"In the bedroom, where else?"

"Aren't you ready yet?"

"Just a few minutes more."

"We're going to be late for the Seven Ninja Swordsmen of the Mist party!" Zabuza groused.

No reply.

With an impatient grunt, Zabuza stomped towards the bedroom. He disliked being late. Not because he was a stickler for punctuality or anything, but he wanted to see the others' entrances. Kami knew some of them bordered on the ridiculous... like Kisame who would inevitably decorate Sharkskin with the gaudiest of flowers, ribbons and vines.

Throwing open the bedroom door, Zabuza froze. Haku was seated at the vanity, attending to his fingernails.

Zabuza let his eyes trail over the loveliness before him - long dark hair spilling down a slender back, a perfectly shaped head bent in concentration, an elegant pale arm and that pink kimono patterned with tiny golden flowers.

Gorgeous.

There was no other word that fitted so well.

Haku was gorgeous and Haku was all _his_.

"Do you always have to paint your nails at the last minute?" Zabuza grumbled, grasping at the first thing he could think of so he wouldn't melt into a puddle on the floor.

Haku looked up and smiled at him, making Zabuza tighten his grip on the door handle lest he melt in any case.

"You know this pink kimono doesn't match the gray colour on my nails," Haku said mildly.

"Whatever, just hurry up," Zabuza growled.

It looked like he and Haku would be the last ones to arrive at the party.

Oh well, it would be just as fun seeing all their jaws drop when he walked in with this vision of heaven on his arm.

\- Chapter End -


	2. Deidara & Sasori

**Author Notes:** Hello again, everyone! Thank you for the favs and follows, and thank you again for the wonderful reviews! Enjoy more silliness :)

 **General Warnings:** Parody, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

 **Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Shippuden Episode 3 (The Results of Training). Not so much the plot, but the characters themselves.

 **Character:** Deidara  & Sasori

\- Chapter Start -

"Deidara!"

"What?"

"Are you not done yet?"

"Just need to brush my teeth, Sasori, my man."

"You know this hotel room only has one bathroom and you're in it!"

"And you know I don't like to rush. Besides, brushing teeth is like an art. When I spit out the toothpaste foam, it's almost like... an explosion!"

There was a snort of disgust, audible even through the bathroom door.

"You know how I hate to be kept waiting."

 _Yeah, I know. You remind me of that every time._

Shaking his head, Deidara removed the toothbrush from his mouth and held up his left hand.

"Open up."

The little mouth on his palm opened and he started brushing its pearly white teeth, skillfully evading the long, playful tongue. Once he finished, he transferred the toothbrush to that hand.

"Right, now you."

The mouth on his right palm opened and Deidara repeated the procedure.

 _It's too bad for Sasori I have more teeth than the average shinobi._

\- Chapter End -


	3. Sakura & Kankuro

**Author Notes:** Hello, everyone! Thank you for the favs and follows, and thank you again for the wonderful reviews! Enjoy more silliness :)

 **General Warnings:** Parody, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

 **Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Shippuden Episode 11 (The Medical Ninja's Student). The words in italics are taken directly from the episode.

 **Character:** Sakura  & Kankuro

\- Chapter Start -

 _Sakura Haruno placed her hand palm down inside the pale green solution._

 _"Hold him down and don't let him move," she told the sand medical ninja. "This part of the procedure is not going to be easy."_

 _Activating her chakra, she withdrew her hand with a large bubble of the solution sticking to her palm. She turned to the bed and positioned the bubble over Kankuro's bare chest._

 _"Here goes," she said and started to push the liquid in._

 _Kankuro's back arched and then he cried out in pain, sitting bolt upright and throwing off the other people's restraining hands. They quickly pressed him back down onto the bed._

 _"Hold him down!" Sakura cried._

 _"Right!"_

 _Ignoring Kankuro's squirming and grunts of pain, Sakura forced the solution into his body, mentally going through the steps - 'p_ _our my chakra into his body... purge the toxin from his cells and force it to the surface... draw it into the solution... and extract it!'_

 _She drew out the solution from Kankuro's body with purple blobs floating inside the bubble._

 _"What's that? Is that the poison?" Temari asked._

 _'That's it,' Sakura thought to herself. She dropped the bubble back into the pan._

 _"Another!" she ordered._

 _"Right!" replied one of the medical ninja. He went to fetch another basin while his colleague dabbed at Sakura's face with a towel._

 _Sakura withdrew another bubble of fresh solution and positioned it over Kankuro's upper abdomen. Activating her chakra, she pushed the bubble into him._

Then she felt something tickle her nose - later discovered to be a loose thread from the towel used to wipe her face. She screwed up her face, trying to hold back the sneeze, but to no avail.

"Ah... ah... choo!"

Sniffing, Sakura opened her eyes and raised her hand to find there was no longer anything stuck to it.

"Oh no," she murmured.

Baki, Temari and the others exchanged alarmed glances with one another before turning to stare at Kankuro.

For a second or two, nothing happened... and then Kankuro belched. A long drawn out one that made a stream of light green bubbles issue forth from his mouth, a purple drop encased in each one.

Everyone stared at the surprising sight until some of the bubbles popped, forming splotches of green and purple on the bed linens.

"Quick, catch the bubbles!" Sakura cried.

"Right!"

The two medic ninja quickly snatched up empty pans and held them under the bubbles until they popped. Sakura stared at them and then she turned to smile at a nonplussed Temari.

"Well! I think we just discovered a new way to extract the poison!"

\- Chapter End -


	4. Sakura & Kankuro 2

**Author Notes:** Hello everyone and thank you again for reviewing the previous chapter! Enjoy more silliness :)

 **General Warnings:** Parody, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

 **Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Shippuden Episode 11 (The Medical Ninja's Student). It's actually the same scene as in Chapter 3. The words in italics are taken directly from the episode.

 **Character:** Sakura  & Kankuro

\- Chapter Start -

 _Sakura looked at the small amount of toxins in the basin and nodded._

 _"I've removed most of the poison," she stated. "I believe that ought to put him out of any immediate danger."_

Everyone took a step back, looking relieved. Then one of the sand medical ninja frowned.

"Most of the poison? So there's some left in his body?"

"Yes, just a small amount," Sakura replied.

"But we don't have the antidote yet," the ninja added in a worried tone. "Shouldn't we remove as much of the poison as possible?"

"I agree. We can always prepare more of the green solution, just say the word!" assured his comrade.

"That's not necessary," Sakura said hastily, her cheeks looking a bit flushed. "I've already removed enough that Kankuro's life isn't in immediate danger."

"Where's the rest of the poison located?" asked the first medical ninja.

Sakura groaned to herself.

"It's centered in his - well, uh - there," she said, waving a vague hand at Konkurro's groin, barely covered by the sheet.

An awkward silence descended for a few moments as the others exchanged glances.

"You're right. You have removed enough poison for now," said the first medic hurriedly.

"Yes. Lord Kankuro isn't in any danger now," agreed the second medic just as quickly.

Sakura smiled in relief.

 _"But he's not completely out of the woods yet," she said. "Now then, I have to quickly put together an antidote..."_

\- Chapter End -

 **A/N:** Thank you for reading! Yes, I am a bit fixated on this chapter, but my favourite part is actually at the end when Kankuro asked Naruto to save his little brother Gaara :)


	5. Naruto & Gaara

**Author Notes:** Hello everyone! Thank you again for reviewing the previous chapter! Enjoy more silliness :)

 **General Warnings:** Parody, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

 **Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Shippuden Episodes 30 (Aesthetics of an Instant)  & 31 (The Legacy). The words in italics are taken directly from the episodes.

 **Character:** Naruto  & Gaara

\- Chapter Start -

 _"You can use my chakra. Take as much as you need to," Naruto said, his blue eyes determined. "That'll work, won't it, granny? Please?"_

 _Lady Chiyo regarded him for a long moment before giving a nod._

 _"Place your hands on top of mine... son."_

 _Naruto did as she said and the flare of chakra from both their hands immediately grew much bigger and brighter._

Kakashi watched in the same awed silence as did the others, but a part of his mind still lingered on the scarlet cloak of the nine tailed fox that had enveloped Naruto not too long ago. Thank the heavens Jiraya had given him that seal to suppress the fox chakra - Kakashi had already seen two red tails sprouting from the seat of Naruto's pants.

Several tense minutes later, Gaara opened his eyes and sat up, the heartwarming sight causing everyone around him to burst into smiles, cheers, laughter and even tears of happiness and relief. It was only when Gaara slowly got to his feet with Naruto's aid and went over to Chiyo that Kakashi blinked in surprise, forcibly reminded of that earlier scene with Naruto.

Oh dear.

There was just no mistaking that tuft of red tail emerging from the back of Gaara's trousers. Not to mention it was waving merrily at him.

Kakashi sweatdropped as he mentally penned a letter to Jiraya.

 _Dear Jiraya, I have good news and bad news. The good news is, Gaara isn't a jinjuriki anymore. The bad news is Naruto may have just made him into a new one. Hope this doesn't pose too big of a problem._

And somewhere deep inside Naruto, in a strong prison cell with tall steel bars, two enormous claws gripped the metal gates and shook them furiously. Scarlet eyes smouldered with rage in the darkness.

"Naruto, you knuckle headed brat! Did you do something stupid again?! Why do I now have eight and a half tails?!"

 **A/N:** Thank you for reading! Do leave a review if you enjoyed it :)


	6. Neji

**Author Notes:** Hello, everyone! Thank you again for reviewing the previous chapter! Enjoy more silliness :)

 **General Warnings:** Parody, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

 **Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Episodes 116 (360 Degrees of Vision, The Byakugan's Blind Spot)  & 135 (The Promise That Could Not Be Kept).

 **Character:** Neji Hyuga

\- Chapter Start -

"Hey, you two! Guess what?"

Neji and Tenten turned around to see the third member of their team hurrying towards them, looking excited.

"Asuma-sensei is treating his team to a BBQ tonight," Lee disclosed. "And he's invited Team Gai, Team Kakashi and Team Kurenai as well. Isn't that great?"

"Oh, that sounds like fun!" Tenten exclaimed. "Let's all go together!"

Neji shook his head, a regretful expression on his face.

"My apologies. I... have other plans tonight."

Both Lee and Tenten blinked at him.

"Other plans? What kind of plans?" Lee asked, his disappointment overshadowing his usual good manners.

"Aww, c'mon Neji," Tenten wheedled. "Join us, we should go as a team!"

Neji just shook his head again and started walking away. "I need to uh, hone my chakra control a bit more."

"You've been training hard everyday. Surely taking a night off won't do any harm? Neji!"

Neji lifted a hand in farewell and disappeared from the training grounds, leaving behind two disappointed and puzzled teammates.

\- o -

Half an hour later, Neji emerged from his bathroom, gently toweling dry his long, dark brown hair. It had reached past his waist now. It wasn't a fluke that his hair was the prettiest in all of the Hyuga clan, shinier and glossier even than Lady Hinata's.

And he planned to keep it that way.

Sitting cross legged on the floor of his bedroom, Neji took a deep breath and activated his chakra. After his near death experience two years ago while accompanying Shikamaru's team to rescue Sasuke, he had found out something important. Shizune had explained how his long hair was an excellent conductor for chakra, and how they had used it to channel the chakra needed to heal his serious chest wound.

While recuperating in the hospital, Neji had also noticed how much shinier his hair was. Since then, he had perfected the art of gathering chakra in his head and distributing a tiny amount from the root of each strand of hair right down to the tip. It was something he did everyday without fail after washing his hair, a tedious but rewarding ritual.

It was also the only reason why he escaped the problems that plagued the other shinobi such as dry and brittle hair, frizziness and split ends. After all, the life of an active shinobi included hours of grueling training under the hot sun and tiring missions with little time left for grooming oneself.

Really, was it any wonder why Lee kept his hair in a short bowl cut while Tenten's tresses were bunned up all the time?

Neji shook back his crowning glory, reveling in the silky smooth strands against the back of his neck. He would miss the camaraderie and grilled meats of tonight's dinner, but it couldn't be helped - all that smoke was so bad for one's hair!

 **A/N:** Thank you for reading! I know Neji probably doesn't do a thing to keep his hair looking so sexy, but I couldn't resist! Do leave a review if you enjoyed it :)


	7. The Seven Ninja Swordsmen of the Mist

**Author Notes:** Hello, everyone! Thank you again for reviewing the previous chapter on sexy Neji! Enjoy more silliness :)

 **General Warnings:** Parody, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

 **Chapter Warnings:** No major spoilers that I can think of, but this will make a bit more sense if you remember what their attire look like. Jinpachi  & Kushimaru's sword skills are showcased in Shippuden Episode 288 (Danger: Jinpachi and Kushimaru!).

 **Characters:** The previous generation of the Seven Ninja Swordsmen of the Mist.

\- Chapter Start -

Jinpachi Munashi wasn't always an expert at wielding the Shibuki, a sword that has a scroll full of explosive tags incorporated into it.

During one of his earlier practices, his other comrades made the mistake of standing closer to him than they should have. The scroll exploded and when the huge puff of smoke cleared, all seven of them found their clothes in tatters, the remaining threads barely keeping their modesty intact.

Of course they could still continue rampaging and pillaging with impunity, but even they knew they would look downright ridiculous armed with nothing but their swords.

Besides, it was cold at nights.

As leader of their group, Zabuza Momochi decided they would raid the nearest village that very night. Late at night when all the villagers were fast asleep.

At the appointed time, they snuck into said village and made a beeline for the only textile shop there. Much to their dismay, the bolts of material there consisted mainly of bright florals and pastel prints, hardly suitable for a group of cold and heartless swordsmen.

After an hour of frantic searching, they left with their spoils - a large bolt of plain black cloth, a smaller bolt of white and a much smaller one with a pattern of thin black lines on a grey background.

Kushimaru Kuriarare then set to work, wielding his needle-like sword, the Nuibari. Instead of threading victims, he sewed garments and instead of wires, he used conventional sewing thread.

When the sun rose, the Seven Ninja Swordsmen of the Mist were decently clothed once more, most of them in black, some in white and all of them with grey striped arm and leg warmers.

Needless to say, they kept well away from Jinpachi until his Shibuki wielding skills improved.

\- Chapter End -

 **A/N:** Thank you for reading! I know their attire is based off of the Kirigakure uniform, but that isn't as much fun. Do leave a review if you enjoyed it :)


	8. Kakashi, Asuma, Kurenai & Gai

**Author Notes:** Hello, everyone! Thank you again for your reviews on the previous chapter and enjoy more silliness :)

 **General Warnings:** Parody, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

 **Chapter Warnings:** None that I can think of. Could be anywhere in the early episodes of Naruto.

 **Characters:** Kakashi Hatake, Maito Gai, Asuma Sarutobi  & Kurenai Yuhi.

\- Chapter Start -

Maito Gai entered the jonin lounge and glanced around. Spotting three of his colleagues sitting in a corner, he went over to join them.

Kakashi was slumped in his seat, legs stretched out in front of him and crossed at the ankles, hands in his pockets. Asuma and Kurenai sat opposite him, close enough for their shoulders to touch. All three had some sort of head injury, judging from the band aids stuck on cheeks, noses and chins.

"What's up with you three?" Gai asked as he sat down beside Kakashi. "Rival, care to explain these injuries?"

Kakashi gave him a sheepish eye smile.

"As you know, we were each assigned a team of genin early this week," he began.

Gai nodded. He had been taking care of his own team since last year.

"Well, we've been teaching them the different formations and commands," Asuma continued.

Gai nodded again.

"Today's command was _Scatter_ ," Kurenai explained and rolled her red brown eyes.

"Ah!" Gai's growing grin made the other three scowl at him and then wince when the movement pulled at their band aids.

"So you didn't mention in which _direction_ they should leap up?" he asked.

"Nope. Big mistake," Asuma admitted.

When Gai laughed and shook his head, Kakashi, Asuma and Kurenai had the grace to look sheepish.

"In all honesty, Gai," Kakashi said, "we never expected all of them to leap _straight up_ instead of _away_ from each other."

Gai threw back his head and laughed outright at that.

"Hence your bandaged heads?" he managed to get out and the other three nodded.

"Hence our bandaged heads," Asuma confirmed.

With an effort, Gai controlled his laughter. One did not poke fun at one's colleagues... too much.

"So, where are all your team members now?" he asked and looked around as if he expected to see them materialise in the jonin lounge.

"Thanks to our reflexes, we three managed to escape serious injuries, but..." Asuma trailed off and sighed.

\- o -

 _In one of the Leaf Hospital's two bedded rooms..._

"Your head is so hard you almost cracked my jaw," mumbled a black haired boy lying in one of the beds. "Loser."

"Well, your chin is so pointed you almost took out my eye," grumbled the blond boy in the other bed. "Teme."

\- Chapter End-

 **A/N:** Thank you for reading! Do leave a review if you enjoyed it :)


	9. Hashirama, Madara & Hagoromo

**Author Notes:** Hello, everyone! Thank you again for your reviews on the previous chapter and enjoy more silliness :)

 **General Warnings:** Parody, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

 **Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Episodes 474 (Congratulations). The words in italics are taken directly from the English subbed episode.

 **Characters:** Hashirama Senju, Madara Uchiha  & Hagoromo Otsutsuki.

\- Chapter Start -

 _"You... were always... the optimist. But perhaps... that is the correct path," Madara said. He could afford to be gracious now that it was all over. "My dream... was squashed. But your dream... still lives on."_

 _"We were both too hasty," Hashirama corrected gently. "We didn't need to fulfill our dreams ourselves. It was more important to cultivate those who would come after us... to whom we could entrust our dreams."_

 _"Which means I would have failed anyway," Madara countered. "Since I always hated someone... standing behind me..."_

 _"When we were kids..." Hashirama said, "you once said we're shinobi and we don't know when we'll die. And that for neither side to die, we'd both have to reveal what's inside of us and pour each other drinks to toast like brothers."_

 _He gave a small, sad smile._

 _"But we're both about to die. Right now, we can drink together, as war buddies."_

 _Madara felt the last of his life energy fading away._

 _"War buddies... huh?" he said. "Well... I guess... that's OK... by..."_

 _Closing his eyes, he left his sentence unfinished._

\- o -

Madara smirked when he saw a familiar figure stalking towards him, dark eyes snapping.

"You just _had_ to do it, didn't you?!"

"Do what?" Madara straightened his lips and widened his eyes, attempting innocence.

"You know very well what! Dying before saying that last word, that's what!" Hashirama stormed, hands on hips.

Madara shrugged nonchalantly.

"Oh. Well, you knew what my final word was, I didn't have to say it."

"That's beside the point and you know it!" Hashirama poked him in the chest, still glaring.

Madara widened his eyes a bit more.

"Are you saying the great Hashirama Senju couldn't guess what my last word was?"

"Don't give me that! It was 'me'! And it's always about you, isn't it?"

Hashirama turned away, flinging his hands up in an 'I give up!' manner. Madara smirked again. He was sure that if there was a table somewhere in this afterlife, his 'war buddy' would be forehead planted on it right now.

"Hey, I just wanted to put on a good show," he said in a placating voice, clapping a hand on Hashirama's shoulder and squeezing it. "You know everyone was watching, from all the past Kage to old man Hagoromo."

Another figure appeared out of the mist, holding a staff in one hand.

"So it's my fault, is it, Madara?" asked Hagoromo Otsutsuki.

\- Chapter End -

 **A/N:** Thank you for reading! The last part of episode 474 is heart wrenching and makes me cry each time I see it, but the middle part with Hashirama and Madara made me wonder what was the point since one was dying and the other already dead. Hence this chapter :p

Do leave a review if you enjoyed :)


	10. Orochimaru & Kabuto

**Author Notes:** Hello, everyone! Enjoy more silliness :)

 **General Warnings:** Parody, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

 **Chapter Warnings:** None that I can think of. Somewhere in the early episodes of Naruto.

 **Characters:** Orochimaru  & Kabuto

\- Chapter Start -

Orochimaru had a rather nasty habit of licking the edge of his sword with his very long tongue. For one thing, it looked downright creepy and sinister. For another, it freaked out his victims no end. For yet another... well, he just liked the taste of metal.

Until the day he tilted the angle of the blade just a bit too much and cut his tongue on its razor sharp edge. His would be victim - a hapless old villager who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time - blinked at him when the blood started flowing.

Orochimaru, already shocked and in pain, was furious when the grinning started, followed swiftly by chuckles. He fled when they turned to guffaws.

"Dat ith the lath tibe I eber pull that stud," he grumbled to Kabuto a few minutes later, in his hideout.

"I should think so, Lord Orochimaru," replied Kabuto in a reproving tone as he attended to the injured organ with healing chakra.

\- Chapter End -

 **A/N:** Thank you for reading! Do leave a review if you enjoyed it :)


	11. Sasuke & Sakura

**Author Notes:** Hello, everyone! Enjoy the final chapter of silliness :)

 **General Warnings:** Parody, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

 **Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Episodes 479 (Naruto Uzumaki!). The words in italics are taken directly from the English subbed episode.

 **Characters:** Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno & Kakashi Hatake.

\- Chapter Start -

 _Three figures stood at the open gates of the Hidden Leaf Village._

 _"I'll be blunt," Kakashi began. "By rights, you should be in prison right now. But we have heard your plea and all your actions up to now have been pardoned. Breaking the jutsu for the Infinite Tsukuyomi played a big part in the decision. As well as the fact that I happened to become the Sixth Hokage, and that Naruto, the key figure in ending the war, testified on your behalf. Don't forget that. And please don't get too reckless. Otherwise, I'll be held responsible."_

 _"Understood. Thank you," Sasuke replied._

 _"Must you go?" Sakura spoke up. "That artificial arm that Lady Tsunade is creating from Lord Hashirama's cells will soon..."_

 _"I need time to understand my feelings," Sasuke said. "How I should view the shinobi world, this world. Perhaps I'll be able to see things I couldn't see before. Things that can't be seen unless I do this. Also, there's something I'm worried about."_

 _Sakura sucked in a breath, her cheeks turning pink as she dropped her gaze._

 _"What if I said... I'd go with you?"_

 _"This is a trip to atone for my sins," Sasuke replied, his expression and his voice inflexible. "My sins have nothing to do with you."_

 _Sakura's head and entire being slumped in disappointment._

 _"Nothing to do with me...?" she mumbled._

 _Sasuke neared her and when she looked up, poked her forehead lightly with two fingers._

 _"Maybe next time," he said._

He withdrew his hand and they both blinked at the small blue purple diamond now stuck to the tip of his index finger.

"AAAIIIEEE! Sakura shrieked. "Did you just remove my One Hundred Healings Seal?!"

She slumped sideways and Kakashi caught her before glaring at Sasuke.

"What did I just tell you about not being reckless?" he scolded. "Why didn't you just _kiss_ her?"

Sasuke sweatdropped and hurriedly placed the tiny seal back on Sakura's forehead, sticking it there with a bit of chakra.

"I'll be going now," he said and walked off with rapid footsteps before Sakura could wake up.

Damn his big brother Itachi for making him believe that poking another person's forehead was the ultimate expression of love!

\- Chapter End -

 **A/N:** Thank you for reading! Please leave a review if you enjoyed it :)


	12. Kakashi's Ninken

**Author Notes:** Hello again, everyone! Enjoy this next chapter of silliness :)

 **General Warnings:** Parody, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

 **Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Shippuden 11 (The Medical Ninja's Student).

 **Characters:** Kakashi Hatake & his ninken.

\- Chapter Start -

Having retrieved the small scrap of Sasori's clothing from Kankuro's puppet, Kakashi Hatake crouched down, hands blurring through a series of hand seals before he slammed a palm on the floor.

"Summoning Jutsu!"

\- o -

In a comfortable room at Kakashi's apartment in the Leaf Village, Pakkun sat in a corner, polishing his paw pads with an oiled cloth. Bull lay on his stomach, gnawing on one end of a big bone while Urushi gnawed on the other end. Bisuke was alternately shaking and chewing on a squeaky toy (which looked suspiciously like Orochimaru minus one leg). Beside him, Akino was busy scratching behind his ear. Uhei and Guruko were lying on a pile of blankets a few feet away, paws in the air as they snored. In another corner of the room, Shiba was peeing into the litter box with one leg lifted.

When the summons came, all eight dogs froze, eyes snapping open and ears perking up.

"A group summons!" Pakkun barked, tossing down his cloth. "This is not a drill. I repeat, this is not a drill!"

Bull snapped to a sitting position, still holding one end of the bone between his jaws. He was always the centre point in a group summons.

"Initiating countdown," Pakkun said. "Five!"

Bisuke leaped into position in front of Bull, to his left.

"Four!"

Akino settled in front of Bull on Bisuke's right and then Uhei on _his_ right, yawning.

"Three!"

Guruko leaped into position behind Bull on his right, Urushi beside him.

"Two!"

Shiba scrambled into position on Bisuke's left, whining in discomfort at having to stop mid-pee.

"One!" Pakkun took a flying leap and landed on Bull's head. He almost slid right off again, thanks to his oiled paws. "Whoa."

They felt the pull of the summons a second later, and the coolness of floor tiles when they appeared. The smoke dissipated to reveal they were in what looked like a hospital ward. They sat with spines ramrod straight and heads tipped up.

Unfortunately, Bull was slobbering around the bone in his mouth, Bisuke was chewing 'Orochimaru' - _squeak squeak!_ \- and there was a slowly growing puddle under Shiba.

"At your service, eight ninja hounds," Pakkun announced miserably as he hung off the left side of Bull's head. Then he slid off and landed behind Bisuke with an 'Oof' and a suspicious sounding splash. The bone dropped from Bull's mouth next, causing Pakkun to utter an 'Ow'. Then Bisuke dropped his chew toy - _squeak!_ \- on the floor.

Everyone stared at them as Kakashi sweatdropped.

"Dismissed!" he said hastily. As they vanished in another puff of smoke, he turned a sheepish smile on the others, what little of his face that could be seen flushing bright pink. "Let's uh, try that again, shall we?"

He waited for ten seconds, ran through the hand seals again and slammed his palm on a different section of the floor.

"Summoning Jutsu!"

When the puff of smoke cleared, there were no mishaps nor any bone or squeaky toy in sight.

"At your service, eight ninja hounds!" Pakkun announced again and then added, "Sorry, Kakashi."

There was a band aid on his head.

\- Chapter End -

 **A/N:** Thank you for reading! Please leave a review if you enjoyed it :)


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